Once one o’clock hits, it’s apparent that a malevolent alien race seizes our broadcast infrastructure and attempts to vend a manifestly dangerous suite of products, services, and ideas. There is no other explanation for the wholly xenogenic nature of these communiques. They show us black and white videos of women who cannot open jars without a custom apparatus; men for whom a hammer is an inconceivably complex device. To look at a hammer with confusion is a dead giveaway. It’s a look that says they would be more comfortable “tamping in” a “spar” with a “kineto.